I feel the need to 'vent' (pun intended) about the shutter shades I'm seeing around more and more.

My dears... this "style" is a joke. Honestly... some designer (who was alive in the 80's) said "Guys... watch this... we'll grab these obnoxious foolish glasses I picked up at a flea market for .50 cents and put them on some model. We'll see how many non-thinking people actually think they're "Cool" and pay money to wear them!" (at which point several nasty, not nice designers joined in, snickering the entire time)

These were ugly in the 80s. They're ugly now. It's not the subjective 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' ugly. But downright, bone deep, ridiculously ugly. I know they're OH so 80's retro... but so are Harem pants... and honestly, you wouldn't want to be caught dead wearing those. (Even if you did go the entire way and toss on high-top Reeboks and 4 pairs of neon colored socks.)

First off, lets look at the sheer usability of these huge obnoxious things. They don't reduce the UV rays hitting your eyeballs. They don't block glare coming off of your hood while you're driving. There is no protection from wind, rain, etc. So the basic purpose of sunglasses are totally tossed out the window. You may as well wear frames with no lenses. This is all well and good when you're making a serious fashion statement. There are a lot of shoes in my closet that I would say "Not at all functional". Too high, slightly pinchy, make me teeter... but OHMYGOD they're so pretty! So, the fact that they're not all that functional doesn't matter... they do have a redeeming quality.

The look... Unless you are trying out to be an extra in some odd dork remake of Star Trek, there's simply nothing about these that are even slightly pretty, cool, retro, what-have-you. Every time I see someone in these all I can think of is why didn't they go the whole way? I mean, if you're going to wear a joke on your face, push the envelope and add the huge nose and eyebrows to the glasses as well. I could almost respect that.

All that aside, you can't see well in them. So now you're not only insulting me visually with your horrendous choice in face-wear... but you're putting me at risk by trying to drive your 98 Toyota Corolla while texting, putting on lip gloss, and attempting to view the road through louvered blinds.

I beg of you... do not do this thing. You'll regret it later.

I know.

I was a teen in the 80s.

While I was sporting my 17 strung together Swatch watches that artistically matched my "Frankie says Relax" day-glo tee, I wore these. Don't make the same mistake I did.