Quite luckily for me, my roommate doesn't seem to mind that I have all but totally converted the entire public space of the second floor of his classic Chicago Brownstone into a Rock Band concert venue.  I haven't built a stage or anything yet, but I feel strongly that this too is only a matter of time.  This game is just way too much fun!

As you might suspect, over the months since I got my Rock Band 2 Special Edition Bundle, I have made a few upgrades  I prefer to play the drums, so naturally my first upgrade to the standard Rock Band 2 Wireless Drum Kit controller was the RB2 Triple Cymbal Expansion Kit. These cymbals make beating down a professional sounding drum solo exponentially easier.

To make sure we were maximizing the potential of the game, I next grabbed a second RB2 wireless guitar on eBay, but soon after found an all-real-except-for-the-guitar-strings wireless guitar controller during a woot off. $49 was a small price to pay for our Ashley Rock Axe.  It makes quite a difference playing the game with a real-size, real-weight guitar.  I found that I was much more likely to show some moves with the real guitar controller than with the undersized plastic guitar controllers that come with the bundle.

After the first several onsets of finger joint arthritis, it became evident that the Ashley's buttons weren't going to get any further broken-in than they already had to that point (which isn't nearly enough!) so we went for guitar upgrade 2.0.  Enter stage right the Logitech Wireless Guitar Controller.  This beauty is THE Cadillac of wireless dual Rock Band/Guitar Hero guitar controllers!  I can't say a negative word about this thing.

The nice folks at SONY haven't yet devised a way to match the wireless capability of the Xbox Rock Band 2 microphone, so to date we are stuck with the wired on-a-stick version.  I am usually more than sufficiently lit when I am at the mic so I don't mind terribly the extra balance that the mic stand affords, so I personally can let this fault slide a ways farther than my roommate.

Take a look at my PS3 Rock Band 2 list!  There are some neat items.  There will soon be a Gretsch Duo-Jet Wireless Guitar Controller on the market after the release of the new The Beatles: Rock Band Bundle.

If you are online with your PS3, keep your eye on the overall standings as our band, 12-Inch Ditkas, is on the threshold of breaking onto the list of the Top 100 Rock Band 2 bands in the world (ranked by total number of fans).  Right now, we are at approx. 867,000 fans while the current #100 band has 908,000 fans, and (as every Chicagoan already knows) Ditka is unstoppable!

Golly, I like this game.  =)

* * * * * * *  FROM NERF BATTALION HQ - 08:00 - 02/17/2009  * * * * * * *

Greetings, Soldier.

We find ourselves without options and facing an almost insurmountable challenege.  Your department and your country need you now more than ever.  Our advance scouts have learned that those jerks from (accounting/marketing/sales/operations/research/development/management) are planning a full on Nerf assault on our installations and primary position (i.e. the cube farm closest to the elevator).

Our intel is unclear as to whether this is due to workplace stress, jihad, or because no one saved a piece of Jessica's birthday cake for Wendel and no one thought to bring a sugar-free alternative for Rudy or a vegan option for Blake.  Whatever the case, we are confident that our common enemy means business.

They must not gain control of the elevator or we will find ourselves surrounded, cut-off from our supply chain, and unable to sneak out and go home when our wives or children call asking why we aren't at home.  I trust that I need not remind you that failure is not an option.

Consider your armaments.  Choose a reliable weapon.  Meet us by the mailboxes in the lobby after lunch to discuss strategy and to go over our assignments.

The battle begins promptly at 5:22 p.m. (which should give Roger enough time to get back from the pharmacy after refilling his asthma prescription).

Whatever you do, do not tell Dan P. that we are all staying after because he will want to stay too and then we will all have to pretend to work until he leaves.  Also, do not fire until you see the whites of their eyes!

As can be said about most causes worth fighting for, the enemy may take our lives, but they'll never take our staplers!

May God bless you and may God bless this department.

Sincerely,

Lt. Col. J. Hrothgars
Nerf Battalion Commander, 102nd Plastic Toy Infantry


* * * * * * * * * * *  END OF TRANSMISSION  * * * * * * * * * * *


If it isn't otherwise obvious, I like Nerf weapons.

At all hours of the night, my friends Bobby C.Y. and Dustin and I used to run around Dustin's house in the dark and fire ping pong ball guns, soft-missile launchers, and Nerf dart weapons at each other.

Often times I wonder if I have ever had so much fun, either before or since.

There is an episode from the first series of the Britcom Spaced which attempts to capture the unbridled joy of a spontaneous simulated gunfight among friends, and I feel like there oddly may be something to this.

Short of taking a dart directly to the eye, Nerf weapons allow you to take some serious aggression out on your coworkers, friends, and loved ones and at the end of the day, (save for a few lost darts) there is no real harm done.  You may have a rug burn or two, or you may lose a button, but everyone walks away refreshed after at least a few good hearty fits of laughter.

If you have a small group, you can make teams or pick one person to hide or be a sniper or send one person on the lamb like in Logan's Run.  It is more fun to play indoors in a confined space with a generally open or circulating floor plan (which makes the office cube farm so much fun).

I like to pick-up spent ammo and whip it back at my opponents.  It's easy to grab a heavier piece of ammo by the tail and whip it like a throwing knife.  If you really wing it, you can get it to fly faster than any Nerf gun could ever sling it.  But for traditional Nerf warfare, the three weapons featured in the photos above are as good as any to lay the ground work for any upstart Nerf armory:

• Nerf N-Strike Raider Rapid Fire CS-35 - this is a brand new Nerf weapon from the 2009 Toy Fair.  This weapon holds ammo similar to an old fashioned "tommy gun."  Unfortunately however, it's not an automatic but even still, this gun uses a simple pump-action and trigger to fire up to 35 (!!!) standard-size Nerf darts before you will need to reload.  From the looks of things, any right-handed shooter could also utilize the ammo magazine as a makeshift shield.  I think this design is likely to be the best Nerf gun yet, but we won't know for sure until we can get our hands on this little beaut when it will be made available for sale (Autumn 2009).
• Nerf N-Strike Unity Power System Blaster - this multi-component system takes its lumps from certain critics for the very thing which I suggest is its best feature: the single-fire Nerf Missile projectile.  In my opinion, the missile is the perfect size and weight for a well timed and perfectly executed head-shot.  The resulting "bop" is sure to create the desired effect from anywhere within 10-12 feet.  In the dark, this can't be beat.  But if you should miss, remember that you have only a few meager needle darts to use for covering fire as you scamble past your target to retrieve your spent missile (which now more than likely lies across the room).
• Nerf N-Strike Vulcan EBF-25 Belt-fed Rapid Fire Blaster - If you prefer a stationary position or will have time to build up some type of defensive fortifications, you may opt for only Nerf rapid-fire machine gun.  This weapon is also useful if you prefer a hip-fire stance like that used by the Marines in the Aliens movie.  In practice, I find that the best use of this weapon is to mount it on a table or desk and to crouch down behind it, but if this is your strategy you will be immobilized and may want to carry a trusty old Nerf N-Strike Maverick for use when your position becomes compromised.  Without a back-up weapon, be prepared to duck and cover.  Also, this weapon is very noisy so you will give away your position the moment your enemies are within range.

There are other Nerf weapons on the market like the Longshot CS-6 Rifle and the Recon CS-6 Tactical Rail Blaster, but you will probably want to stick to the four listed above before moving onto something designed for more specialized deployments.

After your first few engagements, you will soon realize that you will need to buy some packs of replacement ammo.  You will (hopefully) set aside those darts that have at one time or another found their way into the toilet (T-Darts) or the garbage can (G-Darts) or those darts which have accumulated signs of FOI-O (fuzz of indeterminate origin) after falling under your fridge or behind your washing machine or between the cube wall and your desk.  After a few of these mishaps, you will wish (as most field generals have wished) that you had more ammo.

Stay away from stairwells.  Don't shoot anyone anywhere where you wouldn't willingly be shot yourself.

Grab your weapon, strap up your boots, and then we'll see you in the field, soldier!

This past August, I was presented with an opportunity to attend what "The King" (no, not that one, not that one either, not even that one, yeah, that one) would call a "stock car race."  This wasn't just any old "stock car race."  This was what many consider to be the NASCAR race of all NASCAR races.  Picture it.  It is just you and 170,000 of your newest friends gathered to witness 500 fifteen-second laps around a 1/2 mile concrete oval nestled into the remote, rolling hills of Bristol, TN and under the cover of nothing but grandstand lighting and a crystal clear summer night sky.

Now, I'm accustomed to tailgating at Milwaukee Brewers games, Big Ten football games, and more than a few Chicago Bears and Seattle Seahawks games so I am familiar with the routine involved.  You set up your area and unpack all your gear and food and beer just to pack it all back together to get ready to go into the event.  As I was soon to learn, this isn't the way it's done among the NASCAR crowd, no sir.  Around here, you get to bring your beer into the event with you!  You are allowed one soft-sided 12-pack cooler and just about as many other beer cans as you can manage to carry freely on your person.

I opted for the Locked & Loaded 6-Pack Holster and was not disappointed.  The belt was perfect for walkabouts around the track and for wandering among the souvenir trailers (I bought my dad a Car of Tomorrow Spoiler for his hat).  Your best bet is to load the belt with six nearly frozen cans so they will stay cool while you and a friend embark on a three-beer-each excursion.

The belt was a huge hit among the short-track fans.  People were offering me money to buy it from me at every turn.  Folks could see the utility of such a device in a venue such as this.  It was a great conversation starter and I was soon a bit of a D-list celebrity around our territory.  It was odd that everyone seemed to be equally amazed by our shiny all-chrome cans of MGD Light as it seems this stuff isn't available down south, and most Miller drinkers have to instead choose between regular MGD (diesel), Miller Lite, or the supposed "champagne of beers," Miller High Life.  A few people asked to trade me their beer for a can of the stuff, which worked great for keeping a cold supply at the ready.

If you haven't been to an event, I'd have to ask you not to be too quick to judge the kind folks of the NASCAR tour.  This was my first exposure to the culture and I have to say that I was extremely impressed by the entire event from top to bottom.

Just make sure you bring something to drink, as I am not quite sure what the event would have been like without a steady supply of Miller products strapped around my waist.