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Warning: This post may be TMI (too much information) for some, although I can assure you I'm not speaking from personal experience on this particular topic. (insert sigh of relief or groan of disappointment here, depending on the reader)

I'm talking about Sexnology or Sex Tech, if you will.

With the iPhone 3.0 OS promising hardware accessory support, you can imagine what "creative" uses for the iPhone may come out of this new technology.

Then a friend sent me a link to an article about the Blackberry's "Toy With Me" App which uses the built-in vibration feature to turn a simple smart phone into a very special inanimate friend.

I was afraid to do some research on this topic. I looked over my shoulder to be sure I was alone as I typed "sex technology gadgets" into Google. I think I clicked the search button with my eyes half closed. Apparently, this isn't all that new. Not long after the dawn of the MP3 player, someone figured out they could make something fun to jack in (... and no, I'm not about to make the obvious pun) and rock out. Check out the iBuzz.

And that's just using the music to get your groove on. I'm sure the iPhone's first "personal attachment" will be super-customizable. Maybe even operable over 3G by another user? Gives new meaning to the phrase, "Reach out and touch someone."

Oh so many puns, so few paragraphs... I'll just rattle them off to get them out of my system:

Gives new meaning to the word "handheld"
Gives new meaning to the phrase "personal digital assistance"
Gives new meaning to the word "hardware"
Gives new meaning to the term "iPhone jack"
Gives new meaning to the term "Gadget girl"
Gives new meaning to the phrase "there's an app for that"

I'm sorry. I'm not Amish or anything but I think this is just gross. I hate unitaskers too, but I think this may be taking the multi-tasker concept a tad too far. I love my iPod but I don't want or need to "love" my iPod. And, frankly, it can't be good for the device.

"Hey can I use your iPhone?" Ick. Imagine asking to check out someone's Blackberry only to discover they've been running a sex toy app! You would need a bit more than a screen protector to say the least. Blech.

Aha! The invention of the iPhone condom. Sounds like another product to be brought to you by the makers of the iPod Touch Modification Pack. Cha-ching!

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Like this post?  Follow my blog at http://jtdelivers.blogspot.com

Do you struggle daily trying to decide whether or not to buy an iPhone? Sure it's packed with fun, features and free (or low-priced) apps. It's so sleek and pretty. Besides, all the cool kids are doing it.

It's a tough choice. You want to make the leap but you're happy with your current network provider. And by "happy", I mean "locked into a 2-year contract", of course. If you break the contract, you only have to pay a small fee of 18-million dollars.

I have had the same struggles. I've spent many sleepless nights obsessing over my friends' and their constant connectivity. This phenomenon, also known as iPhone envy, can be debilitating and cause serious self-esteem issues. I feel like an outsider when everyone is all like, "OMG - this app is the best!" and "LOL! This video is so funny!" (For real, they talk like that).

Worry no longer, you pathetic iPhone-less losers!!! Your prayers have been answered. I give you the iPod Touch Modification Pack. If you have an iPod Touch and a phone, all you need to do is purchase one of my handy modification packs for the low low discount price of $350 and VIOLA! you have a handy 2-in-1 device. Your iPhoney friends will be so very jealous!


Velcro straps come in a variety of fashion colors. (Tyvek wraps and Duct Tape are also available in a variety of colors for an additional fee).


All the functionality of the iPhone without the cost or the hassle of switching carriers!


Disclaimer: iPod Touch and phone not included. Some users may experience inability to connect to networked application when out of range of free WiFi. Modification kit will not allow your iPod Touch to connect to your cell network. Some users may not be able to open/close their phones. You may experience limited use of the touch screen and/or keys on your telephone, especially when attempting to dial number containing 7,8,9 or 0. iPod Touch Modification Kit Co. and its affiliates are not responsible for damages to your phone and/or iPod Touch if it slips out of these flimsy restraints. No substitution, exchanges or refunds.

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I have a perfectly nice pair of Candies. You know Candies, right? The shoes with the wooden bottoms that when you walk make you sound like you've got two halves of coconuts and your banging them together.

They are pretty versatile. With the wooden bottoms and clear strappy tops, they match everything and look very cute. Though they are 4 inch heels, I usually find them rather comfortable. I've worn them to work on numerous occasions.

I don't know what they have against me today. Maybe it's a bit humid out. Maybe my feet are extra frictiony today. Maybe it's the fact that I trucked across campus to New England and back for no good reason. Maybe there's a disturbance in the force. I dunno. Whatever it is, my good shoes have gone bad. I have two HUGE blisters, one for each foot and one starting on my left pinkie toe. I am walking around barefoot in the office with band-aids on my feet. I look like I'm impersonating John Mclain in Die Hard. You all know exactly what I'm talking about.

I'm doomed for the rest of the day to walk around in these puppies, limping. Plus, I need to go somewhere after work too. Brilliant.

But it's not today I'm worried about. What do I do after today? Do I throw them out? How can I ever really trust them again now that they've turned on me.

Let's face the facts. I won't throw them out. They're just too cute. Like the man who's "done you wrong". He pulls you back in with a sweet smile and a heart-felt apology. You remember only the good times and forget the bad. That's the way it'll be with my shoes.

In two-weeks, I'll put on a sundress and say, "Oh, I know what shoes go perfectly with this!".

It's a vicious cycle. I need help.

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