the reality is here http://www.xenu.netand here as wellrom: Emmma - view profileDate: Fri, Mar 10 2006 6:21 amEmail: "Emmma" Groups: alt.religion.scientologyNot yet ratedRating: show optionsReply | Reply to Author | Forward | Print | Individual Message | Show original | Report Abuse | Find messages by this authorGavino,You may be asking yourself "Why?", "How can this happen?", "I thought I hadher firmly in my pocket as an OSA spy".Firstly, don't ask yourself "why" because it's a listing question.Secondly, let me tell you how this can happen. I'd hate for you to be stuckin mystery about it.Some background:I wanted nothing else than to be an auditor. From the moment I walked intoMelbourne Org it was my dream. I wanted to help people and it seemed that bybecoming an auditor I could do just that. So I studied really hard andeventually achieved my goals.Along the way, certain cracks started to appear in my own personal Trumanshow.I saw people being hurt. This most ethical group on the planet was hurtingboth staff and public. The first and most graphic example of this was 6months prior to the GAT launch. 2 of my closest friends had 6 month oldbabies and yet were ordered to Flag for 6 MONTHS!! You probably don't carewhat effect that had on those mothers and their children but I certainlydid. I was closely involved in looking after one of those babies whilst hismother was away. I tried to give him as much love & attention as I couldbecause his mother had just dissapeared! When she came back it was awful.The child (he was 1 by that stage) didn't know his mother at all. I'll neverforget the look on her face when I first saw her struggling to hold herchild who was squirimg and trying to get away from this stranger. It goteven worse when her son saw me and started holding out his arms andscreaming to go to me. I felt incredibly guilty. Not only had she missed hisfirst steps, his first tooth and the incredible changes that occur in achild under 1 year old, but now the child didn't know her and thought I washis mother. How does a mother cope with that?The other child was just as upset and confused when her mother came back.Both women took years to gain back the trust of their kids and I doubt thatthey ever really got over it. In fact I know a LOT of session time wasdevoted to try to handle that incredibly hurtful ARCX.After the GAT was launched I had first hand experience of the cruelties thatwere dished out. RTC decided that we weren't making auditors fast enough soissued a citation to Melbourne Org. All tech terminals were to write uptheir O/Ws to a meter pass and this included the TTC (which I was part of).So I did this and was meter checked on it. Then the order came back -"Notgood enough, write more". Now you tell me what LRH piece of tech says youcan do that? But anyway, under much protest I wrote more O/Ws to anothermeter check and these were sent up again. However a week or so later I getan order to go to Sydney for Sec Checking! By this stage I have an 11 monthold child, both myself and my husband were on staff working impossibly longhours to fullfill program targets. He had to audit 25 hours, plus do folderadmin ect, plus study 35 hours per week on GAT courses plus try to wog jobat night to keep us alive. I was studying 45 hours a week, plus wog jobbingon weekends plus looking after my baby. But despite all this I was orderedto Sydney for a Sec check that I was expected to pay for. I was told that ifI didn't go I'd be declared instantly. So I got on a bus and went.When I got there it was a living hell. I was treated like a piece of shit. Ihad nowhere to sleep (one other Melbourne staff member who was already upthere was sleeping in his car) and it was 11pm at night. Someone told me tomake it go right. I was terrified. Luckily another Melbourne staff memberwas staying at a place and told me I could sleep on the floor at the placehe was staying. So that's what I did. The next few days were a blur. Imanaged to get myself a place to stay, a room with 8 others in bunk beds. Iwent to the CLO everyday and just wondered around aimlessly. Nobody had thetime or desire to talk to me. I was an ethics particle who deserved nothing.As the days stretched into weeks I was petrified I wouldn't be back for mybaby's first birthday. It was also my second wedding anniversary 6 daysafter my daughter's birthday and I wasn't going to be able to spend thatwith my husband either. As it drew closer and closer I was as depressed asI'd ever been. I got extremely sick with a fever and managed to give it toalmost every asian student in the CLO academy during my many hours of M7 andM9. I wasn't allowed in the kitchen because they knew I was sick. I wastrying to get my conditions completed in the hope that the sec check wouldbe called off and I could go home. The day of my daughters birthday arrived.I was sick with grief. Nobody else cared at all.That weekend I blew. I got on a plane and came home. I had to see mydaughter before she forgot about me. I saw how easily this can happen a fewyears before. I went straight to the childcare facility and held and heldher and sobbed my eyes out. She knew who I was.Monday came and I was sent straight back to Sydney but this time I waspromised an auditor. I did eventually get a student auditor but it tookweeks and the sessions were awful. Check my PC folders if you don't believeme. I asked the IG RTC ANZO if I could write up MORE O/Ws to speed theprogress. I "F/Ned" through all the questions and eventually was allowed toattest and go home. Later that same auditor blew Scientology and wasdeclared. I was not the only person to go through this at this time. Therewere "ethics particles" from all over the country in the same boat. Most ofthem were there far longer than me because they were clear or OT and neededa Clear or OT auditor and were being made to pay for it. They were away fromtheir families for months at a time with no way to earn an income to pay forthese vindictive sec checks. If they were like me, their biggest crime wasto believe that the reads in the new meter films were simulated. Yes, thatwas my biggest crime (I was told my the Programms Officer ANZO that this wasthe reason I was there). That was the reason I spent weeks andweeks away from my husband and child and missed two important personalmilestones. Later I find out that I was right all along.About 12 months later I was ordered to Sydney again but this tme fortraining. This time they had hatched an ingenious plan where we could takeour kids with us.I was assured that we had accommodation arranged to cater for us and ourkids. There was another Melbourne staff member who was taking her two boyswith her. We were flown up by donations solicited from public and made ourway to the AO. When we got there no one was expecting us, there was noccommodation and the other woman and I sat in the foyer of the AO trying topacify our kids until 3am until some poor public person who'd been woken upin the middle of the night was kind enough to come and get us.To say it wasa nightmare is an understatement. I spent the next day sitting in that samefoyer waiting for someone to tell me what was going on. Later that night,about 8pm the EO from Melbourne Day(who was in Sydney on another cycle) toldus we could leave - go home as we didn't qual! Fortunately there was anotherstaffmember who'd also been sucked into this awful cycle. He'd driven toSydney the night before under extreme protest. He was told that he alsodidn't qual and could leave. So we drove from Sydney to Melbourne overnightwith my little girl asleep on the back seat of the car.It is over 900 kms between Sydney and Melbourne but we took turns indriving. I was so desperate to get my little girl home. When I finally gotback into the Org I was put in lower conditions yet again and made to feelvery ashamed that I hadn't made it go right. I was supposed to now recruit areplacement for myself so spent the day on the phone pretending to makephone calls.I could go on and on about this, and it would just be my personalexperience. I could tell you about the appalling treatment my husbandexperienced when trying to leave after his contract expired. The screamingand yelling, the snide remarks, the threats, the belittlement, theinvalidation. I could tell you about several public who were baltentlyripped off thousands and thousands of dollars for services that were NEVEREVER going to be delivered because they just never qual'd and the reges knewit. Did they get their money back? NOOOOOO. It's for next lifetime. Oh gimmea break!So the cracks were there all along, and as time went on the became biggerand bigger until I couldn't stand it any more. I knew there was somethingvery wrong with this situation but I didn't know what. Then I looked on theinternet;-)That first night I googled "scientology" will be a night I'll never forget.I think my jaw dropped open after the first five minutes and it stayed thatway for the next 5 hours.I found out that LRH, the man who was source to the greatest technology manhad ever known was a fraud, a bigamist, a criminal, a liar, a thief, a drugaddict, a wife basher, a satanist and on the run from the law for the lastseveral years of his life. I found out there was 7 kids, not 4 and 3 wives,not 2 and Mary Sue went to jail while he ran away. I found out the truthabout David Mayo, David Miscavige and what happened to the mission network.I found out about overboarding and chainlockers for kids. Yes, I read a lotin that first sitting.To say I was devistated and in shock is another big understatement. My wholelife was based on a lie! My friends, my church, my vocation, my goals, myfuture, indeed my whole "eternity" was based on BS! I knew back then thatyou can't trust everything written on the net, but when you've got courtdocuments, official naval records, official academic records, affidavits andpersonal stories that tell the same sad tale over and over again, you justcan't dismiss it all as "lies".I went back to the church to try to "handle" my disagreements but it wasnever going to work. I knew the truth and you just can't change that. Itried to reprogram myself but now there was a ghost in the machine. Theprogramming was broken and there is nothing I or anyone else could do aboutit. I tried to do the right thing. I wrote up my O/Ws (again) about what I'dseen on the net.After that I was dismissed from staff (without a comm ev) and gagged. I wasnot allowed to speak to anyone other than HCO or DSA, and speak to them onlyregarding my ethics cycle. I had no one. That church was my life. I had noother friends, no other job, no other skills and I'd isolated myself from myfamily years ago. Plus I'd told them that everything was "just fine" with mylife. I could never bring myself to tell my mum about the treatment I'd beensubjected to. How did I now pretend like none of that happened? So now I wason my own - totally. All my previously held ideas about how life works wereshattered. To use a Scientologyism, my stable data was gone with nothing toreplace it. I had noone to discuss this with and no friends shoulders to cryon. I wasn't allowed to talk to my husband about this because it wasentheta.So where did I turn? The internet of course.Low and behold, what do I find? Loads and loads of people who UNDERSTANDbecause they'd been through it themselves. People from all types ofbackgrounds, locations and levels of involvement. But what I found most ofall was care and help. You wonder why someone like me turns to the internet?I don't think it's hard to understand.Over time I formed friendships. Strong friendships with people who werehonest and who really cared about me. They understood where I'd been andthey understood where I was going. I no longer felt I was going mad.Over the next few years I did make some effort to get back in the church'sgood graces. Understand that this was never my personal choice but one Imade out of duty to my husband who was desperate to get his Scientology wifeback. In effect I was playing the game of "try to keep the marriage togetherfor the child even if it's based on lies" It wasn't until 2004 (October)that anything came of it. The ED Melbourne foundation had agreed to help mecomplete my F & Rs but I was not happy about the injustices and wanted themcorrected as well. Out of the blue she brings CO OSA ANZO and PRO OSA ANZOto my house!They were very nice to me, even as they told me they were aware that I wasposting to the net and chatting on IRC. They said they wanted to help me andfor a moment I was almost sold on the idea. But when they left I realisedthat I'd never be allowed back into an Org ever again and that there must bea hidden agenda there but I didn't know what it was. I later proved mysuspicions several times over.At this time I hadn't mentioned anything to anyone else on channel or onars. I was waiting to see what eventuated. I didn't have to wait long.On October 31st (I remember this because I was at a halloween party) I got acall from my local OSA office asking if I could log onto the chat channeland log the conversations that were going on. I was assured that these wouldnever be published or used against anyone, but that OSA just wanted to knowif the evil SPs were planning anything.Now I knew what the agenda was.I got online and told a few trusted people what OSA had asked me to do and aplan was hatched. Little did we know just how far this would go.A few days later I got a call from an Italian sounding man who calledhimself "Frank". He said he was from OSA Int and wanted me to send the logsdirectly to him.I got back on line and was talking to Patty Pieniadz who I'd gotten to knowvery well. She told me that OSA suspected her to be Cerridwen becauseMaureen had already confronted her about it. Being the wild and crazy personshe is, she suggested that we give them what they want! This way it throwsthem completely off the track as to who Cerridwen actually is (Which I stilldon't know) and we get to have some fun. So we had several conversationswhere she "admitted" to being Cerridwen. But then she really made me laughwhen she says that she's Lagniappe AND the Mailman. She though we could getaway with this because they both use remailers. I didn't think "Frank" wouldbuy this but it seems he did! Frank of course was Gavino Idda.The fun stopped when OSA posted the DA page on Patty. It seems our plan hadbackfired. I was extremely upset about it but Patty just took it in herstride. Her reasoning was that she had planned to start posting anyway andwhat she had to say DESERVED a DA page, so it was just a matter of time. Itwas at that time, if you remember Gavino, that I got very upset with you andtold you I wouldn't be your spy any longer. So the game was over.So why, you may ask, am I coming out now to tell this little tale. It'sactually very simple.Gavino, you promised me that you'd never post or use any logs I sent you.Now, through a forgery of David Touretzky, you have promised to do justthat. This exposes another 2 lies you told me. First you told me that OSAdon't post to ars, but only OSA had access to that "data". Secondly you saidyou'd never betray me. But you have. Sort of. I mean there is nothing tobetray but you didn't KNOW that until a few hours ago. So if I had trustedyou I'd be right in the soup - wouldn't I?My other reason for coming out now and telling this story is because I'mproud of the work this group does. I'm proud of the guts that people show,especially those who were "in" the longest i.e Patty, Chuck Tory etc. Untilnow I've been content to stay on the fence. Not really "in" but never havingthe guts to make that clear. I was always worried about what OSA would do tome, or my marriage or my daughter. Now I see that I have an obligation totell the truth.I will most certainly be declared over this posting and my earlier one. Thiswill change some things in my life and make it more difficult to have anykind of civil relationship with my ex husband. But what I've realised isthat I have the RIGHT to speak out. I have the RIGHT to expose a group whodo harm to people under the guise of help. If that group choose to fair gameme or label me an SP or psychotic then that is their choice. If my husbandchooses to abide by their suppresive laws then that is his problem - notmine.Sorry this is so long. It needed to be said.Emmma

Scientology, David Miscavige