RoboOCD: Paulie's Robot

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April 4, 2008 - In the wake of our analysis of the new television series, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, IGN has come across startling and shocking revelations regarding Skynet and the lengths to which they have gone in... See more » April 4, 2008 - In the wake of our analysis of the new television series, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, IGN has come across startling and shocking revelations regarding Skynet and the lengths to which they have gone in order to insure their robot holocaust happens. As Sarah Connor shows us, Terminators have traveled back in time and infiltrated several different facets of our modern life, and not all of them are as blunt or direct in their mission or methods as the T-800, T-1000 or T-X. Stars has intercepted transmissions sent through time (yeah, our computers are that good) between Skynet and some of their key operatives. All this week at Obscure Character of the Day, we present to you some of the most stunning and frightening among the revelations we've discovered. From: Skynet Operative #657889. Code name - "Paulie's Robot" To: Skynet High Command I cannot mince words My morale is low. Here I am, one of the deadliest operatives in the Skynet arsenal, and I am forced to be the servant and plaything to an obscenely rich family of pathetic humans. I realize my mission is important to gain information on potential candidates to use as templates for our human infiltration model Terminators. And yes, this Rocky Balboa and his friend, Apollo Creed, seem like good possibilities. But you must understand the depths of the degradation I'm forced to go through on a daily basis while my mission continues. They have given me as a present to the obese one they call "Paulie." This drunken oaf has taken an inappropriate interest in me. In order to maintain my cover, I've been forced to act in a most unseemly, un-Terminator fashion. I bring Paulie his food and drink. I praise him. And sometimes, late at night, he calls me into his room and yells that I should "Punch the meat like Rocky does!" I don't wish to subject you to needless descriptions, but it's not a pleasant situation, believe me. Suffice to say, I hope this assignment ends soon. It's tedious and infuriating having to serve as a ride to the one they call "Rocky Jr." And I've even had to alter my normal voice patterns (which you all know I take so much pride in) to affect a more pleasing, feminine nature, while hearing Paulie claim I "love him." I assure you, I most certainly do not! First off all, as a proud member of Skynet's robotic army, I feel no love in my cold, metallic heart. Second, if I did, I'd have better taste than that! That Apollo guy is more my type anyway but I digress. Apollo is set to challenge a man named "Ivan Drago" soon in the contest the humans call "boxing." I've been in communication with the rather impressively high-tech machines used to train Drago, and they tell me he might be just the type we're looking for to use on the next round of Terminators. I'll check in again soon with an update. I have to go. Paulie's calling me again. See less »

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RoboOCD: Paulie's Robot

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