reality check: http://www.xenu.net

REAL LIFE STORY

rom: Emmma - view profile
Date: Fri, Mar 10 2006 6:21 am
Email: "Emmma"
Groups: alt.religion.scientology
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Gavino,

You may be asking yourself "Why?", "How can this happen?", "I thought I had
her firmly in my pocket as an OSA spy".

Firstly, don't ask yourself "why" because it's a listing question.

Secondly, let me tell you how this can happen. I'd hate for you to be stuck
in mystery about it.

Some background:
I wanted nothing else than to be an auditor. From the moment I walked into
Melbourne Org it was my dream. I wanted to help people and it seemed that by
becoming an auditor I could do just that. So I studied really hard and
eventually achieved my goals.

Along the way, certain cracks started to appear in my own personal Truman
show.

I saw people being hurt. This most ethical group on the planet was hurting
both staff and public. The first and most graphic example of this was 6
months prior to the GAT launch. 2 of my closest friends had 6 month old
babies and yet were ordered to Flag for 6 MONTHS!! You probably don't care
what effect that had on those mothers and their children but I certainly
did. I was closely involved in looking after one of those babies whilst his
mother was away. I tried to give him as much love & attention as I could
because his mother had just dissapeared! When she came back it was awful.
The child (he was 1 by that stage) didn't know his mother at all. I'll never
forget the look on her face when I first saw her struggling to hold her
child who was squirimg and trying to get away from this stranger. It got
even worse when her son saw me and started holding out his arms and
screaming to go to me. I felt incredibly guilty. Not only had she missed his
first steps, his first tooth and the incredible changes that occur in a
child under 1 year old, but now the child didn't know her and thought I was
his mother. How does a mother cope with that?

The other child was just as upset and confused when her mother came back.
Both women took years to gain back the trust of their kids and I doubt that
they ever really got over it. In fact I know a LOT of session time was
devoted to try to handle that incredibly hurtful ARCX.

After the GAT was launched I had first hand experience of the cruelties that
were dished out. RTC decided that we weren't making auditors fast enough so
issued a citation to Melbourne Org. All tech terminals were to write up
their O/Ws to a meter pass and this included the TTC (which I was part of).
So I did this and was meter checked on it. Then the order came back -"Not
good enough, write more". Now you tell me what LRH piece of tech says you
can do that? But anyway, under much protest I wrote more O/Ws to another
meter check and these were sent up again. However a week or so later I get
an order to go to Sydney for Sec Checking! By this stage I have an 11 month
old child, both myself and my husband were on staff working impossibly long
hours to fullfill program targets. He had to audit 25 hours, plus do folder
admin ect, plus study 35 hours per week on GAT courses plus try to wog job
at night to keep us alive. I was studying 45 hours a week, plus wog jobbing
on weekends plus looking after my baby. But despite all this I was ordered
to Sydney for a Sec check that I was expected to pay for. I was told that if
I didn't go I'd be declared instantly. So I got on a bus and went.

When I got there it was a living hell. I was treated like a piece of shit. I
had nowhere to sleep (one other Melbourne staff member who was already up
there was sleeping in his car) and it was 11pm at night. Someone told me to
make it go right. I was terrified. Luckily another Melbourne staff member
was staying at a place and told me I could sleep on the floor at the place
he was staying. So that's what I did. The next few days were a blur. I
managed to get myself a place to stay, a room with 8 others in bunk beds. I
went to the CLO everyday and just wondered around aimlessly. Nobody had the
time or desire to talk to me. I was an ethics particle who deserved nothing.
As the days stretched into weeks I was petrified I wouldn't be back for my
baby's first birthday. It was also my second wedding anniversary 6 days
after my daughter's birthday and I wasn't going to be able to spend that
with my husband either. As it drew closer and closer I was as depressed as
I'd ever been. I got extremely sick with a fever and managed to give it to
almost every asian student in the CLO academy during my many hours of M7 and
M9. I wasn't allowed in the kitchen because they knew I was sick. I was
trying to get my conditions completed in the hope that the sec check would
be called off and I could go home. The day of my daughters birthday arrived.
I was sick with grief. Nobody else cared at all.

That weekend I blew. I got on a plane and came home. I had to see my
daughter before she forgot about me. I saw how easily this can happen a few
years before. I went straight to the childcare facility and held and held
her and sobbed my eyes out. She knew who I was.

Monday came and I was sent straight back to Sydney but this time I was
promised an auditor. I did eventually get a student auditor but it took
weeks and the sessions were awful. Check my PC folders if you don't believe
me. I asked the IG RTC ANZO if I could write up MORE O/Ws to speed the
progress. I "F/Ned" through all the questions and eventually was allowed to
attest and go home. Later that same auditor blew Scientology and was
declared. I was not the only person to go through this at this time. There
were "ethics particles" from all over the country in the same boat. Most of
them were there far longer than me because they were clear or OT and needed
a Clear or OT auditor and were being made to pay for it. They were away from
their families for months at a time with no way to earn an income to pay for
these vindictive sec checks. If they were like me, their biggest crime was
to believe that the reads in the new meter films were simulated. Yes, that
was my biggest crime (I was told my the Programms Officer ANZO that this was
the reason I was there). That was the reason I spent weeks and
weeks away from my husband and child and missed two important personal
milestones. Later I find out that I was right all along.

About 12 months later I was ordered to Sydney again but this tme for
training. This time they had hatched an ingenious plan where we could take
our kids with us.
I was assured that we had accommodation arranged to cater for us and our
kids. There was another Melbourne staff member who was taking her two boys
with her. We were flown up by donations solicited from public and made our
way to the AO. When we got there no one was expecting us, there was no
ccommodation and the other woman and I sat in the foyer of the AO trying to
pacify our kids until 3am until some poor public person who'd been woken up
in the middle of the night was kind enough to come and get us.To say it was
a nightmare is an understatement. I spent the next day sitting in that same
foyer waiting for someone to tell me what was going on. Later that night,
about 8pm the EO from Melbourne Day(who was in Sydney on another cycle) told
us we could leave - go home as we didn't qual! Fortunately there was another
staffmember who'd also been sucked into this awful cycle. He'd driven to
Sydney the night before under extreme protest. He was told that he also
didn't qual and could leave. So we drove from Sydney to Melbourne overnight
with my little girl asleep on the back seat of the car.
It is over 900 kms between Sydney and Melbourne but we took turns in
driving. I was so desperate to get my little girl home. When I finally got
back into the Org I was put in lower conditions yet again and made to feel
very ashamed that I hadn't made it go right. I was supposed to now recruit a
replacement for myself so spent the day on the phone pretending to make
phone calls.

I could go on and on about this, and it would just be my personal
experience. I could tell you about the appalling treatment my husband
experienced when trying to leave after his contract expired. The screaming
and yelling, the snide remarks, the threats, the belittlement, the
invalidation. I could tell you about several public who were baltently
ripped off thousands and thousands of dollars for services that were NEVER
EVER going to be delivered because they just never qual'd and the reges knew
it. Did they get their money back? NOOOOOO. It's for next lifetime. Oh gimme
a break!

So the cracks were there all along, and as time went on the became bigger
and bigger until I couldn't stand it any more. I knew there was something
very wrong with this situation but I didn't know what. Then I looked on the
internet;-)

That first night I googled "scientology" will be a night I'll never forget.
I think my jaw dropped open after the first five minutes and it stayed that
way for the next 5 hours.

I found out that LRH, the man who was source to the greatest technology man
had ever known was a fraud, a bigamist, a criminal, a liar, a thief, a drug
addict, a wife basher, a satanist and on the run from the law for the last
several years of his life. I found out there was 7 kids, not 4 and 3 wives,
not 2 and Mary Sue went to jail while he ran away. I found out the truth
about David Mayo, David Miscavige and what happened to the mission network.
I found out about overboarding and chainlockers for kids. Yes, I read a lot
in that first sitting.

To say I was devistated and in shock is another big understatement. My whole
life was based on a lie! My friends, my church, my vocation, my goals, my
future, indeed my whole "eternity" was based on BS! I knew back then that
you can't trust everything written on the net, but when you've got court
documents, official naval records, official academic records, affidavits and
personal stories that tell the same sad tale over and over again, you just
can't dismiss it all as "lies".

I went back to the church to try to "handle" my disagreements but it was
never going to work. I knew the truth and you just can't change that. I
tried to reprogram myself but now there was a ghost in the machine. The
programming was broken and there is nothing I or anyone else could do about
it. I tried to do the right thing. I wrote up my O/Ws (again) about what I'd
seen on the net.

After that I was dismissed from staff (without a comm ev) and gagged. I was
not allowed to speak to anyone other than HCO or DSA, and speak to them only
regarding my ethics cycle. I had no one. That church was my life. I had no
other friends, no other job, no other skills and I'd isolated myself from my
family years ago. Plus I'd told them that everything was "just fine" with my
life. I could never bring myself to tell my mum about the treatment I'd been
subjected to. How did I now pretend like none of that happened? So now I was
on my own - totally. All my previously held ideas about how life works were
shattered. To use a Scientologyism, my stable data was gone with nothing to
replace it. I had noone to discuss this with and no friends shoulders to cry
on. I wasn't allowed to talk to my husband about this because it was
entheta.

So where did I turn? The internet of course.

Low and behold, what do I find? Loads and loads of people who UNDERSTAND
because they'd been through it themselves. People from all types of
backgrounds, locations and levels of involvement. But what I found most of
all was care and help. You wonder why someone like me turns to the internet?
I don't think it's hard to understand.

Over time I formed friendships. Strong friendships with people who were
honest and who really cared about me. They understood where I'd been and
they understood where I was going. I no longer felt I was going mad.

Over the next few years I did make some effort to get back in the church's
good graces. Understand that this was never my personal choice but one I
made out of duty to my husband who was desperate to get his Scientology wife
back. In effect I was playing the game of "try to keep the marriage together
for the child even if it's based on lies" It wasn't until 2004 (October)
that anything came of it. The ED Melbourne foundation had agreed to help me
complete my F & Rs but I was not happy about the injustices and wanted them
corrected as well. Out of the blue she brings CO OSA ANZO and PRO OSA ANZO
to my house!

They were very nice to me, even as they told me they were aware that I was
posting to the net and chatting on IRC. They said they wanted to help me and
for a moment I was almost sold on the idea. But when they left I realised
that I'd never be allowed back into an Org ever again and that there must be
a hidden agenda there but I didn't know what it was. I later proved my
suspicions several times over.

At this time I hadn't mentioned anything to anyone else on channel or on
ars. I was waiting to see what eventuated. I didn't have to wait long.

On October 31st (I remember this because I was at a halloween party) I got a
call from my local OSA office asking if I could log onto the chat channel
and log the conversations that were going on. I was assured that these would
never be published or used against anyone, but that OSA just wanted to know
if the evil SPs were planning anything.

Now I knew what the agenda was.

I got online and told a few trusted people what OSA had asked me to do and a
plan was hatched. Little did we know just how far this would go.

A few days later I got a call from an Italian sounding man who called
himself "Frank". He said he was from OSA Int and wanted me to send the logs
directly to him.

I got back on line and was talking to Patty Pieniadz who I'd gotten to know
very well. She told me that OSA suspected her to be Cerridwen because
Maureen had already confronted her about it. Being the wild and crazy person
she is, she suggested that we give them what they want! This way it throws
them completely off the track as to who Cerridwen actually is (Which I still
don't know) and we get to have some fun. So we had several conversations
where she "admitted" to being Cerridwen. But then she really made me laugh
when she says that she's Lagniappe AND the Mailman. She though we could get
away with this because they both use remailers. I didn't think "Frank" would
buy this but it seems he did! Frank of course was Gavino Idda.

The fun stopped when OSA posted the DA page on Patty. It seems our plan had
backfired. I was extremely upset about it but Patty just took it in her
stride. Her reasoning was that she had planned to start posting anyway and
what she had to say DESERVED a DA page, so it was just a matter of time. It
was at that time, if you remember Gavino, that I got very upset with you and
told you I wouldn't be your spy any longer. So the game was over.

So why, you may ask, am I coming out now to tell this little tale. It's
actually very simple.

Gavino, you promised me that you'd never post or use any logs I sent you.
Now, through a forgery of David Touretzky, you have promised to do just
that. This exposes another 2 lies you told me. First you told me that OSA
don't post to ars, but only OSA had access to that "data". Secondly you said
you'd never betray me. But you have. Sort of. I mean there is nothing to
betray but you didn't KNOW that until a few hours ago. So if I had trusted
you I'd be right in the soup - wouldn't I?

My other reason for coming out now and telling this story is because I'm
proud of the work this group does. I'm proud of the guts that people show,
especially those who were "in" the longest i.e Patty, Chuck Tory etc. Until
now I've been content to stay on the fence. Not really "in" but never having
the guts to make that clear. I was always worried about what OSA would do to
me, or my marriage or my daughter. Now I see that I have an obligation to
tell the truth.

I will most certainly be declared over this posting and my earlier one. This
will change some things in my life and make it more difficult to have any
kind of civil relationship with my ex husband. But what I've realised is
that I have the RIGHT to speak out. I have the RIGHT to expose a group who
do harm to people under the guise of help. If that group choose to fair game
me or label me an SP or psychotic then that is their choice. If my husband
chooses to abide by their suppresive laws then that is his problem - not
mine.

Sorry this is so long. It needed to be said.

Emmma